Maybe today

You know when I'm feeling down and over loaded by life I try to stop and think that maybe today is the day that I can do something for another person worse off than myself. We all get to the point where we begin to let every negative situation effect us way too much.
Well, if I'm still here, breath and participating in life, then I also have a chance to enhance someone else's life as well. There's no reason to let life get you so down that the world around you becomes your prison.
Shake it off, stand tall and go full speed ahead with everything ounce of strength you've got.
Hopefully at the end of your day you can find one thing that actually made you happy in the process.
I hope that all persons can find a little more sun shine than cloudy days. Just try to stay positive. You never know where life will take you.
Have an awesome weekend world!!

Feeling the crunch

I love my family and goodness knows that I try to be there when they have needed me. Is it just me or does anyone else ever think that maybe your family has just lost their minds? Okay that's where I'm at right now.
I have a situation with my father and siblings that appears to have no resolve. So exactly what do I do now?
My father is 83 and in fairly good health, but we never know when that dreadful day will come when we loose one of us. It haunts me everyday knowing that I am not allowed to speak with him. You can say that after two years of this craziness I'm feeling the crunch.
I pray everyday for my family, my 2 sisters and 2 brothers that won't speak to me. Somehow one sister got control over the entire family and is calling the shots. How in the world did we end up here?
What do I do when I've tried everything to work this out to no avail. There is nothing that I can offer to make things better, for the one person who started all of this has determined that I am not worthy enough to have any contact even with my aging father.
Time passes us by very quickly and no time that passes can ever be recovered. I am lost as to what to do now that I feel the crunch of time slipping away. As much as I have tried to repair whatever the damage that I have been blamed for, one person, my sister,  won't let it go.
I feel the crunch everyday and it hurts my soul to think that I might lose my father without even seeing him again. How do we get around this?
I long to see my family, but not even I am willing to be pushed around by someone who can't apologize to a child for something that was done wrong to them.
Is this my burden to bear? Perhaps so since I have been pushed aside and have been warn to stay away.
Sometimes feeling the crunch of a situation that burdens our soul with sadness is just the way of life.
I suppose all I can do is to keep praying and believing that all will end well.
Perhaps at some point someone else will feel the crunch enough to let go, let God.
Perhaps........

See me now, see me later?

I'm so curious about thinking in terms of people seeing each other as long time friends. I have many friends that I have known  for many, many, years, I mean years. Often, we come together for God only knows why as friends. We meet in different places to visit and talk about all the things that have effected out lives.
So what happens when that friendship suddenly changes? What really goes on with our minds and hearts when that one special person is no longer a part of your life? Can you really make changes that bring you back to that place of oneness?
There's no way that I can tell other people what happen to many of my closest friends now that they are no longer a daily concern for me. How did that happen? When did that special friendship all of a sudden disappear? Was it just slowly or did I not even take notice?
As I have grown older I try to stop long enough in my busy chaotic life to weigh that loss. There are several friendships that I placed a high level of love and concern on, yet they are not the same for me now. My question is why? What happen?
We can never know the changes that will come our way. There is no way to predict tomorrow, so having said that I must realize that whether I understand it or not things change.
People become so busy with their jobs, family or outside activities that sometimes that one special friend that you have takes last place in our daily lives.
For me, I hope that now that I have a few moments to breath, or so I hope to, that maybe I can find a way to reconnect to those friends lost to me. I have still have many close friends, but the thought that I may never see or speak to that someone special again just leaves me a bit hollow.
Often times I say to people that what I want most from family and friends is to see me now for perhaps later you want get to see me at all. If something where to suddenly happen to me I don't ever want any one that I loved to have that awful feeling of I should have called her, but now I can't.
WE should take it upon ourselves to stop long enough to connect to those that mean the most to us. After all will they be able to see you later?
If not today, then when?
Go in peace and reconnect, today just might be the day that your friend from the past is now once again in your present, and that's a blessing in itself.

Acceptance

Acceptance of myself is like climbing a mountain in all ways. I have never climbed a mountain before and finding those skills that enable me to tackle the task of mountain climbing is a necessary tool. Each day my life is presented with the tools that will help me learn how to accept who I am. It is with these tools in hand that I hope to become a better person.
As I grow on a daily basis, it is my solemn hope and prayer that changing for the better will also enable me to treat and love others in a greater capacity.
Acceptance, it is about loving yourself enough to love others greatly.

Change

At any point in time I have the ability to change. That change can always be for the better when I understand the mistakes of my past. Moving forward to become a better person at any point in time in my life, I see
that I am blessed to have this time to pursue these changes for the better.

One foot in front of the other

The idea of speaking in public has never really bothered me. I am one of those kinds of people that well let's just say I love to talk. Talking is a great form of exchanging who you are in a very personal way. One the other hand, sharing your most personal failures is a terrifying thing to think about. However, for me understanding that I can share the mistakes I've made with others is learning to put one foot in front of the other.
Taking that giant step forward, standing up and dusting yourself off is a soul reviving feeling. I have come through my life with more challenges that most folks, yet I now know that sharing those moments is healing. Trusting that I have come a long way from the alcoholic that I once was to a person of healing is a grand thing. How many of you know someone that has had a heart attack? How about a person that flat lined, died, yes actually dies thirteen times is less than three hours. Did they live to tell the story? Well, now you've met me and I was that person who died thirteen times.
How in the world can a person pick themselves up from death's door, put one foot in front of the other and prove their doctors wrong when all was suppose to be lost?
Rising up to everyday challenges and negative events can ask a lot out of you, but believing that you have the faith to take your life back is awesome. We are meant to take steps forward, to move in a way that says we know where we have and we believe in where we are going. I believe that God himself, for whatever reason kept me here to do something incredible.
Sharing my failures, learning how to accept the good that I have been blessed with and talking about who I really am is my task. That's knowing how to have enough faith when all seems lost, put one foot in front of the other and move forward into the next moment. I have no idea where my life will take me in the next few minutes, hours or days. However, I do know that I travel this wonderful journey not alone, but with God's help and love.
Believe me when I say I'm really not the preaching type, I'm more the sharing kind of person. No holds bar about who I am and what my life has been like, and what it is like now. Defying the odds, how I love the thought of that and it motivates me everyday.
One way or the other, one foot in front of the other, for better or worse, I'll take the trip. After all what do I have lose, certainly not much.
Like I always say, when heaven and hell both kicked you out on your death day, how bad can life really be?
Believe me, putting one foot in front of the other has its' upside in comparison to where I've been.
Take the plunge. Get up, get started, your life is too important to miss out on.

Resolve

Peace comes to those who seek resolve and know when to hold it in their embrace.

Time

We are here today, gone tomorrow. Don't waste any time, just be grateful for what you have and love as best that you can. It's only time, but it's gone before you know it.

IMPERFECTION

Okay, so I'm not perfect, right? Oh, how I love my crazy days. Those events when my not so perfected self shows up. What a blast!! I've lived most of my life chasing after some sort of value that hovers between greatness and perfection.
Well, it's not going to happen. The best moments of my life are truly those moments when I fall completely on my blond head. Where the real blond me shows up and just throws caution to the wind. 
There are those people out there in wonderful land that just shake their heads at me as if what I really am, is well, just too out there for them.
I've figured out that understanding who I am and how I fit into the bizarre world isn't anything like I thought it would be. Somehow I just turned out to be stranger than strange, and for a lot of folks that is the definition of imperfection.
For the most part, I can live with that. I can't say that my life is so strange that I don't understand how to fit into this weird world that I call my life.
If being me and imperfect is exactly who I define myself as being, then I say just go with what you have and let the universe and God work out the rest. 
After all, if I find that perfect someone to hang out with, I'll give you call. Then we all can play together on that perfect merry go round you call a life. Till then, I'm the crazy blond in the corner of this universe just having a blast !!

When bad is good....

Sometimes I like to think that there' a little bad inside of me, not too much, but just enough to be good. How in the blazes could I ever say such a thing? Well... because being bad really can be good. It reminds me that that there's a grand world of imperfection within my soul. That letting go to be free enough to make mistake is actually good.
No one should ever tried so hard to live a perfect life that it crushes your spirit. Having free rein to screw up is good. It keeps me on my feet and vastly aware of who I really am. Now, I've said this before and I'll say it again, I'm not one to preach(certainly not me!!), but I believe with all of my heart and soul that God made us imperfect as a way of teaching goodness.
Being bad or imperfect also leads to some kooky fun. You don't have to kill anyone, steal a car or rob a bank just to be bad. Being bad or as I like to think of it imperfect helps balance the scales of who I am. Perhaps its just a gentle reminder that I still have blood flowing through my veins. It also teaches me how not to judge others.
If I am working on me, learning how to improve on myself and really trying to do what God wants me to, then I am understanding how to live better. There's a long and winding road ahead of me, yet I'm willing to risk my great sense of greatness(not that great) and just be human. As flawed as I am, for me the freedom to see, know and understand that when bad is good, I am still a work in process and that's all good.

Win Some, Lose Some !!

Now I must admit that I love to win. Who doesn't, right? Then, there are those occasion when I have to stop and ask myself what exactly did I win? This depends on what the fight is all about. Many times in the end I find that I'm not even sure that the use of my energy in the fight was worth all the hoopla.
If I'm fighting to win big bucks, I mean really big bucks( like millions) then I'd say that any amount of time and energy used in gaining that prize was a good deal. However, since that's not the case in let's say oh about 99.9% of all of my situations where I'm losing my mind, then I guess I'm just a loser.
Loosing has different value to each of us and for me the idea of being the loser in any fight, well just doesn't sit well with who I think I am.Yet, when all is said and done in the battle of control sometimes I simply have to stop and ask is this really worth all the fuss? I mean really?
I always want to be a winner, but not every thing in life is about whether or not I come out on top. Sometimes it's about how well can I handle myself and still remain dignified. Learning to let "it" go, stop trying to always be in charge and just understanding that life will continue whether or not you win the fight. This is a great lesson to learn, isn't it?
Deciding if the end results is worth anything of value. I would rather lose the argument, walk away with my pride intact, realizing that it really is better to understand that you win some, you lose some.
Nothing changes who I am inside unless I decide to give up being me and that's not likely to happen anytime soon. Win or lose, I'm still me and that in itself has value that you simply can't buy or put a price on.. Now that's the real victory in life, Maintaining self value. That's a win everybody can live with..

When It Just Hurts

Life has so many paths and highways and somewhere along the line I have suffered what I thought to be the most unbelievable pain of my life. This type of pain that I speak about is hurt and sorrow felt deep down inside of my soul. At times I have felt as though I could not survive what I was feeling. Other times I only wanted and prayed for the suffering to end. There have been incidents that have become, "When It Just Hurts" cases. In these situations I am left to feel my suffering alone or so it seems.
Where can I go? Whom do I turn to? How in the world will I ever get through this? These are the questions that I end up asking myself the most. For me, I'm just sharing how I feel  "When It Just Hurts," arrives and in my life the place I go to is my God. Now, I'm not a preaching sort of person, not in any universe, but when the hurt comes and it hits so deeply on a personal level, God is my answer.
Family, friends, church members and even co-workers are a great source of support, but at the end of the day when I realize just how wounded I have become from any painful event, my God is my greatest source of support.
I've come to an understanding from my own path in life that any journey worth taking is a journey filled with great joy and deep sorrow. There are hundreds of things that I wished I hadn't chosen for my life and when it just hurts so much that I can no longer bear the pain, I pray. Sharing my burden, my wishful thinking, my needs and hopes for others and asking for the well being of all of humanity is also being able to lift the heaviness of when it just hurts.
My sincerest prayer for all of mankind is that each one of us can define God as we see him and then pray. Pray that all of us can," Do unto others' as you would have them do unto to you."
Sometimes, when it just hurts, doesn't have to hurt forever. My prayer for you,  is that it doesn't.
Be blessed everyday. :)

SUDDENLY

Life is complicated, sometimes when we lest expect it there's this huge curve ball coming right at you. In many cases all we can do is duck, other times we stand in the path of the storm. How do we summon the strength to get through those moments when we are faced with the unexpected forces of nature and life.
Suddenly we are just standing in the quicksand of life's little surprises without any real direction of what to do. Being caught off guard happens more often that not. Too often there seems to be no way to prepare for the unknown. Suddenly we are left all alone to figure out the next best move with many of our choices being of little value.
How we weigh through the hard and unpredictable times most often define our true character. These moments can reveal the pure courage that it takes to face the unknown of our lives. Strength, tenancy and sheer will power sometimes are all one has in order to survive whatever curve balls we must dodge.
Nothing comes easy for us humans, yet finding the ability to face the unknown such as an illness or death can knock the wind out of our sails. We are fragile creatures that are constantly searching for the right path to travel with as little fuss as possible.
Many times in my life I have found myself on the downside to my life's path. It has been my "Suddenly" moments that have helped me to see the curve ball and to understand how and when to duck. My "Suddenly" moments continues to teach me that I have more unrelenting courage to face the unknown than I could have image.
Suddenly I am renewed, strong and able to face head on what is coming at me. This strength doesn't just show up, but is instilled in soul with God's help. Holding out my hand and asking for his help either while I'm in crisis or just getting through my day is all I need to do. My suddenly changes to the possibilities of what can and will happen in a positive manner.
Suddenly I am fearless against all odds and feeling good. Find your courage, hold out your hand and ask for help and suddenly you will feel the balance of your life again all the while feeling good!  Believe and receive. :)

Refresheded

Does anyone else ever have that feeling of being completely used up by the outside world? So many times my emotions, thoughts and physical state of being are drained. It doesn't really matter why that happens, but rather what do I do to fix it?
Water, glorious water and lots of it is the key to becoming refreshed. I know that sounds so weird, right? No not in the sense that when I feel over rout by a life that requires so much of me. So, I love to swim. Yes, that's right I said swim. Somehow just being in a pool of water refreshes my soul.
I find myself feeling like I'm the only person around and the water is my security blanket. It calms me, allows me to drift peacefully without any effort. I dream of the thousands of thing that I still want to do all the while watching the birds swoop and soar as though the had not a care in the world. Feeling their freedom also allows me to let go of the tension and the tiredness that creeps into every crack of my being .It's as if for those sweet moments I too can fly, except in truth I'm floating on top of the water. There in my own private pool in backyard I look up at the blue sky, making funny faces and pictures out of the clouds floating across the bluest of blues I've ever seen.
Funny how just being in my own pool, feeling peaceful, calm and so relaxed I am refreshed. All is right with the world, me and my life. How easy I once again take a deep breath and let it all go. Knowing that my sense of balance is regained, I have hope that whatever comes I can deal with it and especially understanding that as always God has given me a little respite from what seemed overwhelming circumstances.
Life isn't always easy and at times it presents challenges that almost can tilt the balance of who we are as a person, but always with a little practice, lots of water to refresh my moments and a awesome God to guide me through whatever"it" is, I am healed and most especially refreshed.
Now that's a life worth living. Have you refreshed your soul today?

Striving forward

Sometimes I am so overwhelmed by life that I can barely move forward. It takes all of the energy that I can summon up just to make it through most days. But when I think that I can't go on, never take another step, thinking that I've endured all that I possibly am able to, somehow my spirit surges with a renewed strength. Far down inside of my eternal being is a place where my surviving self lives. It's a quiet place that holds that extra strength that I call on when I am beyond weary. Taking a deep breath, relaxing and letting go of whatever the stress is that weighs me down I push backs against the negativity that surrounds me.
Striving forward isn't an easy thing to do these days. We carry so much on our shoulders mostly knowing that there's no place to lay it all down at the end of our day. Deep down inside the belief that we can push back against all that weight is how we win our spirits back.
Strive to find the best in people, to see their goodness and look beyond that which is a negative force. All of that will only work to keep your soul heavy.Yes, I believe that always working to strive forward and bringing the hope of good, placing it at my feet will always win the day.
Is this an easy task? No, not in anyway, shape or form, but it is the better of solution. I would rather believe in my ability to strive forward than to think that the negative weight of the world will crush me. After all if I didn't believe in this idea I certainly wouldn't have live this long.
Once many years ago I was suppose to have died, but apparently that didn't happen. Even when the doctors kept telling that I would never survive my heart disease I was determined that God had saved me from death for his reasons alone. I never stop striving to move forward in my recovery.
That was 17 years ago, From where I sit, I look pretty good for a dead chick!! Now that's what I call striving forward.
Blessings are real, I should know, right?

I'm just saying

When I sit  here jotting my thoughts down as scrambled as they are I am always amazed to see how many people read my stuff. There is no way that I can possibly express how excited and certainly humbled I am that anyone would care about my feelings. Thank you to anyone and everyone that stop by here on this blog spot to read my words. I pray that in some way I can share what my heart feels and how my soul wants to touch all of those out there in the world wide web.
Being me on this site has helped healed my soul in so many ways, I am honored and blessed for all of your time that is spent reading just the words I write. May God in his many forms to all of us bless you each and everyday and give you great joy in your life. Writing is a passion, it opens every door that I chose to step through. Find your passion and smile, it will warm your heart and fill your soul.
I'm just saying......

Enough Said!!

Do I love my life? Of course not! Do I hate my life, no way. Now having said that, in all honesty life is not just a bitch, it's time that we share with one another. Other's before self  is the new golden rule for me. When I try to consider how I would like to see my life in review,  hoping that I have loved other's more than I love my own selfish being would be a great accomplishment.
"Love one another as I have loved you."
Enough said!

A Long, long time ago....

A long, long time ago in the United States of America there was slavery. It wasn't fair,  or good, nor was it in the best interest of humanity. In short, slavery was wrong and one of the worse established events in this country's history. Our country has tried since the end of the civil war to right this wrong, but everything takes time. History can never be erased, for we can never turn back time. As a southern Georgia native I do my best to treat every individual as fairly as I am able, always trying to remember that no one knows what another person has suffered. However, I find it very troubling that for many persons in this great nation that I love so much, history seems to be the only unforgivable act. We are only as strong as our ability to understand our past mistakes, forgive the error of our sins and grow from them. I believe that if one wrongful act that a nation has tried to rectify continues to be used as a way of turning back time, then we as a nation will never truly grow. Forgiveness goes a long way and history is a learning tool that we should be willing to use in order for real personal growth. Moving forward, understanding our past and really pushing towards a new tomorrow is the only way we will ever grow into the human race that we all talk so much about. Seeking peace and forgiveness for past mistakes can raise all of us up to a new way of thinking and behaving. A Long, long time ago there were slaves in this country, but not today. I thank God for that and for all that I have learn from the history of this country and the process of forgiveness and kindness. I believe that our history will continue to show all of us how to become one nation under God. As a free nation we first and foremost should strive at having a forward reaching goal to live in peace while loving one another. Excepting the truth about this country's history always serves to teach the greatest principles of living together in a united and common bond. This will surly enable our future generations true kinship with one another. Yesterday can not be change, but tomorrow still holds great promises.

At any point in time

Always somewhere in the universe a small wrinkle occurs  sending out a ripple effect that no one knows for sure what it will effect, exactly where it effect us or when. The fall out of that ripple is felt throughout universes even unknown to mankind. In the wake of the potential fall out all we can do is stand by,hope and pray. If you are a mind to, wait for the best results. People are like the wrinkle effect, sometime unknowly. Our lives just seem to mesh one day into another, seconds ticking off of life's clock. Without realizing or perhaps even caring, our actions are felt by those we know and sometimes those that are merely strangers. Over the years, through hundreds of struggles, I have reached a point where I must take accountability for my ripple effect. How my words, actions and lack of actions touches lives makes a difference, not only for myself, but to those all around me. It is my job to care about the people that I love, my family, friends, my community and the world at large. In thinking about the vastness of space and how little of that we are a part of it comes to mind that I must care very deeply for the space that I occupy. For if God in his great wisdom can love all things, throughout all times, then surely I can manage to love, respect and care for the little space that I call my life. There was that moment where I knew that at any point in time I could love as deeply as I knew how, care as greatly as my heart would allow, and see my fellow man as the greatest part of love. Any point in time is now, not tomorrow, not next week or even in a minute. Our lives move by so quickly. We are born in one minute, then we die. From beginning to end, you only have to blink your eye and we have lived a lifetime. Love is never ending. So, At Any Point In Time, must be now. What are we waiting for?